In a perfect world, writers could just sit in their underpants and just write. Grunge rock would NEVER have died and Taylor Swift would be able to sing live, but alas, it is not a perfect world. Soooooo, I am a writer and a hooker. Relax your cracks, I don’t hook my forty-blah-blah-blah body, no, that would be alarming on so many levels, plus I don’t think Hot Hubby would approve. I hook my books! WOOHOO!
I have a deal for you and it doesn’t include a bridge. It’s a FREEEEEE book! PIRATE DAVE AND HIS RANDY ADVENTURES (Career Ending Romance Spoof), the story so many of you lovingly threatened me to write, is FREEEEEE!
It’s an eyeball burning, wet-your-pants hot mess of a parody and I hope it will make you laugh.
I haven’t had so much fun writing anything. Ever. It’s not for the faint of heart and it’s NOT for anyone under 18. That being said, I think it’s hilarious on a very wrong level! If you’d like to singe your corneas, the links are at the bottom of the page. AND if you enjoy it or it makes you feel tingly or itchy, please leave a review. That’s part of my hooker talk. Sexy, right?
Here’s the blurb. Happy Reading! xoxo Robyn
PIRATE DAVE AND HIS RANDY ADVENTURES………….
After all was said and done, the disgusting novella meant to destroy a story stealing New York Time’s best-selling author’s career was successful. Rena Gunderschlict, an accountant with no discernible literary talent, and her band of adorable porno writing grannies came up with the worst piece of literature, (and I use that word loosely), that was ever written. Amazingly enough, it became a cult classic. Who in the hell knew there was an underground need to know and love a Time-Traveling Vampire Warlock with erectile dysfunction and his conjoined lady loves, Laverne and Shirley?
Apparently the need is there and now so is the full version of their story . . .
** Special Note from Author Robyn Peterman **
This is a spoof. A profane romance spoof not meant for anyone under 18. I was threatened lovingly and repeatedly by my readers to write the full version of Pirate Dave. He was born of the need to create a horrific career ending romance novel to destroy a really bad, nasty villainess . . . and Thank you Buddha in a tube top, it worked! I laughed my way through writing this and I hope you will enjoy this small slice of my warped brain. NO, this is not what I normally write, but I certainly had a good time penning it! If you want to read the real romance story, you’ll have to peruse HOW HARD CAN IT BE? You’ll find the first three chapters at the end of the hot mess you’re about to read . . . And now, I give you the career ending novella, (hopefully not mine) otherwise known as PIRATE DAVE AND HIS RANDY ADVENTURES. Check out my website for news on FASHIONABLY DEAD (coming August 2013) and the sequel to HOW HARD CAN IT BE? called SIZE MATTERS (available for pre order now!! YAY) http://www.robynpeterman.com
PIRATE DAVE Buy Links:
Your covers are AWESOMESAUCE and so are your books. <3 😉
You are awesomesauce too!!! Luurrve you! xoxo Robyn
Love your books!
Thanks Diana!! Thanks for stopping by! xoxo robyn
Thanks for participating in this awesome hop!
Thanks for stopping by, Rhonda!!
I look forward to reading your books. I love your covers.
ainfinger at Comcast dot net
Thanks Andrea!! AND thanks for stopping by!
Thanks for posting this and being part of the Hop! Can't wait to read more of Pirate Dave!
joderjo402 AT gmail DOT com
Thanks Jody!! Dave has penciled you in for a date on Tuesday.
looks like an awesome read! added to my TBR for sure! firstname.lastname@example.org
Thanks and thanks for stopping by!!!
I keep hearing about this pirate book – I have to check it out!
Thanks Steph!!! Dave is always looking to add to his harem!!
What great looking covers,
look forward to reading your books.
skpetal at hotmail dot com
Thanks Jean! Hope you enjoy them and thanks for stopping by!
Sounds absolutely hilarious. I'm hooked for sure. Dave's on my TBR list, along with the rest of your books.
nswoodhouse at yahoo dot co dot uk
Thanks Nicola, Dave has penciled you in for Saturday!!
Robin met you at RAGT had so much fun.have put you on my to read list.
Back at ya!!! Thanks for stopping by!!!
So love your cover and I know what book i am reading tonight 🙂 Thank you for the freebie I know i am gonna laugh my butt off. Thanks for being part of the hop.
Jeanette, Dave has penciled you in for monday!
Thanks for the book! I love a good comedy so I will definitely check it out. =)
Thanks, Alianne!! Thanks for stopping by!!
Sounds like a hoot, Robyn–and we can always use more laughs 😉
Thanks! I hope I make you laugh!!
i love spoofs
Me too! Thanks for stopping by!
Love the book covers!
Thanks, Yvette and thanks for stopping by!!
Can't wait to read more about Pirate Dave!
Emma, Dave will pencil you in for Wednesday!
I LOVE your cover.
Thanks, Tara!!! Glad you stopped by!
I want to read your books so bad now 🙂
dixiedukegurl2 AT yahoo DOT com
YAY!! Thanks Cassandra, you made my day!!
I never thought I'd find another person with the same sense of humor I have…until I found Dave's asswaffle. Wow. Warped adolescent boy humor in grown women is dangerous!
I luuurrve you Mary and Dave has penciled you in for Thursday!!
Thank You for the giveaway and LOVE the covers!!!!
Thanks for stopping by Angela!!
Love your covers. Just picked up Pirate Dave and can't wait to start reading it. Thanks for being part of the hop and for the chance to win. <^_^>
reneebennett35 (at) yahoo (dot) com
Love your name, Nay Nay!! Thanks for stopping by!!
Pirate Dave sounds like a real fun read. Will have to add it to the TBR list(which is soooo loooong right now).
carolcobun @ yahoo.com
YAY! Thanks for stopping by!
I loved Pirate Dave! 🙂
And Pirate Dave loves you. He has penciled you in for Monday!!
I love your playful, fun loving, handsome characters both in your book and on the covers. Very creative. Your sense of humor is intoxicating! However, you are right the book blurbs are scorchers! Whew…
They look like great reads! Thanks for sharing.
belgre at Comcast dot net
Thanks Belinda!! Dave has pencilled you in for next Monday!
I just love these covers! I already downloaded Pirate Dave a while ago, and it is patiently waiting for me to read it. I have the rest of your books on my TBR list, too! Thank you for being in the HOP! email@example.com
Thanks for stopping by!!! Hope you enjoy my books!!
Thanks for the free read. Sounds funny!
beckerjo at verizon dot net
You're welcome!! Thanks for stopping by!!
Alright, you have sold me! I am going to get Pirate Dave and give it a read. I am looking forward to wetting my pants! jepebATverizonDOTnet
Hope you enjoy!!! Thanks for stopping by!!!
Funniest damn book I've ever read, and she has more coming! SO worth the click!
Jennifer…you are my sunshine.
I love Robyn's Books!!! Read How Hard Can It Be and just loved reading the actual story of Pirate Dave! Hysterical!
Luurrve you Kathy!!!
I LOVE your covers!
I love you! Thanks for stopping by!!!!