Spring is a dangerous time of the year for me. For real.
Yes, much to my great delight, I broke my tooth. How you may ask? Ice. I was chewing on ice. Not just any ice…I was cheating and living on the edge. I was drinking a half Coke/ half Diet Coke. I am thinking this is the Universe’s way of punishing me for indulging.
I really am a nice person. Yes, I have a potty mouth, I stay up too late, I am freaked out by clowns, I fold laundry and never put it away, I sometimes skip to the end of books, I don’t always listen to my messages, I like to pick off nail polish and I think burnt cookies are better than sex, but I do try to be kind. Actually I like nookie way better than cookies, but it sounded good.
Last spring I broke my foot leaping across the floor while teaching upper elementary school kids ballet. I am proud of the fact that not one swear word passed my lips. I can’t say the same about the tooth incident today. I was alone, so I let her rip. Buttassmunchfucker has now been added to my vocabulary. However, cocksuckertoothshitass is right up there too. If I was a Werewolf or a Vampyre this would not be happening. So I’ve decided to give up my humanity and become a Werewolf. I think being a Vampyre would be difficult because I don’t love the taste of blood. I collect stray animals so clearly it would work getting furry. Fangs would be stronger than teeth and bones would heal faster. This would solve a multitude of issues, although I would also end up institutionalized, which might suck.
I suppose I will have to lay off the hard stuff (meaning ice) and realize that when you’re forty-blahblahblah nothing works as well as it used to. I will tuck my delusions of becoming a Werewolf back into my books and I will more than likely have a wonderful time getting a root canal. I promise to share…
Speaking of my books and Werewolves…READY TO WERE is awesome and I am loving writing it. I can’t wait till you guys can read it. I will post excerpts soon.
Thank you for listening to me bitch. There is more of Spring left, so I plan to be careful. I have no time to break anything else.
Till next time,
PS. If you haven’t read FASHIONABLY DEAD, it’s freeeeeeeeeeee!!! And FASHIONABLY DEAD DOWN UNDER is out and kicking some major cocksuckertoothshitass.
FASHIONABLY DEAD http://www.amazon.com/Fashionably-Dead-Hot-Damned-Series-ebook/dp/B00EYMXM2I/ref=sr_1_3?